Thieves of the Future
How Anxiety robs us of more than just the present moment
Many things can rob us of the future. To understand first that the future isn’t owed to us, it isn’t a given, it isn’t expected, it isn’t certain, and often it can sure as hell be scary. Will our future happen? There’s a good chance statistically speaking. We want to think life is to be continued, and yes, it’s true life does go on with or without us. A bit of lesson I learned from my late Aunt who recently passed away from covid, and I don’t know if I ever told her how much this statement meant to me:
(in regards to how long, “going to college” would take.)
Me: (at 27 years old) I don’t want to go back to school. By the time I graduate, I’ll be 34.
Aunt: Well, you’re going to be 34 anyway- so would you rather be 34 with or without a degree?
What that statement did for me- wasn’t putting the future into perspective -it put today into perspective. It didn’t scare me more about the future. It scared me less. Now, My aunt assumed I would live till the age of 34, and she assumed if I went back to school- that I would graduate. Now- those are a lot of assumptions, but the point remains intact. Assuming we will live till X, then how does fear or anxiety rob us of Y in the present moment?
A brief definition of anxiety related to this article would be,
The person who finds it difficult to control the worry, apprehensive expectation, and significant distress.
Please refer to the DSM 5 for the complete definition of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This article is in no way meant to treat or diagnose anxiety. If you feel like you have anxiety, please see a medical professional for a proper diagnosis. Before continuing this article, here are some supportive links for your healing journey.
- Anxiety and Depression Association of America
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
- MentalHealth.gov
- National Institute of Mental Health
These are just some of the many places you can get help right away. But always reach out before you do anything harmful to yourself or others- With this being said, let’s continue-
It’s very easy and VERY normal to be scared, if not somewhat questionable, about unknown events or the future. And if you are scared, well, at least you know you are a human and not some robot. At least we got that out of the way!
So here is some science:
What if I was to tell you a healthy “fear” is what kept our species and all the species alive and thriving for so long?
It’s a simple concept- imagine being a mouse- if you didn’t fear the cat- and the cat eats you- then you die, and the cat gets fat. And we all know how humans are obsessed with overweight cats.
We all have this innate fear- which, as you can see by science- is not only normal, but it has its uses in our ongoing existence.
Here's where things go wrong.
Well, we can ask ourselves what the difference between fear and worry is. Aren’t they the same?
No. Not at all.
Worry is the unhealthy coping mechanisms we use to deal with the fear we either don’t understand or control.
Let’s circle back to the future and the unknown. We don’t know it. We don’t understand it. And anything we can’t “control” or understand, we tend to fear.
If there’s no real, tangible, or logical way to explain the “unknown,” then what are we worried about? Let’s play the tape through.
It’s complicated much more complicated than a Facebook Status; let’s simplify it. Let’s just say, “Things out of our control,” or “Things we can’t change.”
Well, I hate to break it to you-
Change is the thing we can’t change
The quicker we understand that and stop fighting the future, the easier it will be to cope with anxiety today.
Freeman Dyson said,
“The only certainty in (the) remote future is that radically new things will be happening.”
We often talk about not repeating old mistakes. Insanity often being defined in twelve-step fellowships as:
Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.
What’s often overlooked is what that statement is predicated on. If we look not to repeat old mistakes, we must change and create new habits to replace the old. The keyword there being the change.
Looking back to the future, Carl Rogers says,
“In the coming world, the capacity to face the new appropriately is more important than the ability to know and repeat the old.”
Simply put- being able to change, being able to adapt, is crucial to our survival of the future. So then think about this-
The exact thing that causes most of our worry and anxiety is not being able to control the future or worry of the unknown. We are scared of change. But it is literally embracing and rewriting our narrative and how we look at the change that is the exact thing that can help free us from some of the bonds of fear of that change.
Robert Anton Wilson, a highly controversial novelist and philosopher, makes a brilliant point regarding how our minds work. He states,
“Whatever the Thinker thinks, the Prover proves.”
People can and often find any evidence to support their beliefs, even if- it isn’t real. That is how our mind works. With all the chemical reactions and electrons firing in our minds, it’s really as vast as space is wide. To put the idea of embracing change, in the small context of the thinker thinks the prover proves, to start to process dealing with Anxiety, we have first;
to have the willingness and the belief we can. We have to adopt an understanding of what we can and cannot control.
Time spent worrying is time spent wasted.
No time but now it is better to talk about this.
Let’s talk about this for a second. So We are scared of the future. Sure I get that I’m not a psychic. Let’s go back to something you were worried about in 2015. Pick anything- any worry. Pick something that gave you anxiety. Now take a look at it; fast forward five years. To 2021- where is that anxiety now? It could be worse, but it could be better. Or maybe you forgot about it until I asked you to think about it. The point is- there was no point in worrying about it then cause there was no way you would’ve predicted where you would’ve been in 2021. Hence- worrying is wasted time.
So then, where do we go? Say I’ve been diagnosed with General Anxiety disorder, or I feel like I have anxiety. On a day-to-day basis, how do we stop this crippling issue?
Let’s come to some common ground before we tackle this.
Can we first agree that-
- the past is over
2. and 2 the future isn’t here- and it’s not certain. The future is as much of a fantasy as a kid with a lightning bolt on his head running into a train station wall and ends up in a school for wizards. That’s how much of a fantasy the future is- It’s not even written yet.
So what do we have?
All we have is the present moment
As I said before, first, we must look at every situation every day and say, “how do my actions affect this,” or “Can my actions help the situation.” If we can answer YES to those questions, we need to look at what those actions are/could be.
We understand that a healthy fear is biologically apart of us. But worry is defined as Apprehensive expectation. It could be considered one and the same.
This brings us to the word-
Expectations
Expectations defined By Oxford Languages is;
A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future
and if you don’t want to google it for yourself here-
Here is the Urban Dictionaries definition.
So here is where we get into the meat of this and helping, at the least, reduce anxiety. We have to ask ourselves what and if we have any expectations about a situation, a circumstance, an idea. We also do a lot of “What if’s” and “Only if’s” at this stage. We also need to get out the idea we are/have to be perfect. Things happen, failures happen, and as Forest Gump says,
So we have to identify negative thought patterns and ways we look at ourselves that are negatively impactful on our psyche well being. Once we discover some of our base issues, we then cut them out.
Tales of the time-traveling fortune teller often go like this,What has happened -happened- we can’t go back. Can we affect the future- yes- but we affect the future with the present and our actions. All we can do is plan and speculate for future things we can’t predict them, as I said we aren’t fortune tellers- Everything else becomes an expectation and an expectation leads to worry which leads to anxiety which stems from the fear that leads us back to our biology as a healthy reaction to keep our species alive.
So why the breakdown?
Elon Musk says this about learning,
“It is important to view knowledge as sort of a semantic tree — make sure you understand the fundamental principles, ie the trunk and big branches, before you get into the leaves/details or there is nothing for them to hang on to.”
We need to understand to some extent the root of where our base anxiety comes from, and that is fear. We have to understand fear is natural. And then, armed with that knowledge, we need to understand what are healthy coping skills for fear and negative or harmful coping skills of fear, i.e., worry and anxiety.
Taking it a step further.
So what happens is- anxiety at the moment robs us from making any meaningful changes in the day which ends up cascading into robbing us of the future. In a way- our anxiety over perceived things in the future send us on a path wether directly or indirectly causing them to happen. The thinker thinks the prover proves. We create our own reality.
Getting to the root of any issues is important. No one really teaches us proper ways to cope or deal with existence, let alone our feelings towards it. Our parents only partake in what they know, which could or couldn’t be wrong. And out of what they try to teach us, we may get half of it. So our parents are our fundamental teachers of how to survive life. Their primary responsibility is to teach us to survive and adjust to our biological imprint of — fear- the thing our anxiety stems from. A lot of our anxieties come from what we did or didn’t learn in our formative years. Is what we learned or didn’t learn from our parents their fault? Absolutely not. At some point, we have to take responsibility as an adult with anxiety to take control of the things we can-
Our actions
Alvin Toffler said,
“The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read or write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.”
Our ability to learn at any age is critical to change. Change is critical to overcoming fears. Overcoming and coping with fears in a healthy manor helps heal anxiety. Acceptance of change is also acceptance of the unknown, conquering the unknown is knowing that it’s not here yet and absafuckinglutely doesn’t matter one single iota.
So here we are. I’m confused as hell- What can I do?
Well, re-read this article and then go over this checklist.
- Know- you’re not alone. Nothing is wrong with you. Many people suffer.
- Stay in the present. We aren’t time travelers or psychics.
- Fact check you’re thoughts. “Is this a helpful thought?” “Is this thought part of the problem or part of the solution?” Stay solution-based
- Breathe.
- No more “What if’s” or “Only if’s.”
- Identify expectations
- Avoid sugar.
- Talk to someone. Share with someone what’s going on in your head.
- Watch or listen to something funny.
- Caffeine, caffeine, caffeine- cut your caffeine consumption. Seriously lay off.
- Write things and feelings down. There are plenty of apps to help with this. Like Moodnotes.
- If you’re someone who plans too much, plan less if you’re someone who doesn’t plan at all- by a planner.
- Help out in your community. Doing service work builds not only character but confidence and self-worth, and you’re apart of something bigger than yourself.
- Keep a diary.
- Exercise.
- Meditation/ yoga
- Focus on what you can change.
- Lastly, get to the root of the problem.
There’s no easy way to broach this topic. Everyone has different circumstances surrounding anxiety, mental illness, and hardships. Revisit the resources I posted at the top of the article. But most importantly, call before you fall. Pick up the phone, go to someone's house, reach out before you harm yourself or hurt someone else. I leave you with these.
If no one told you they love you today- I love you-
And,
Do you control your mind or does your mind control you?
Food for thought. Stay present and vibe.
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