Complacency Kills

How to not ruin your life by “just” living from a Combat Veteran.

A sign from Iraq during Operation Iraq Freedom.

How far would we go to save everything we love?

It would be lazy of me to start this with a definition of “Complacency,” Like many of the articles on Medium, I would be almost contractually obligated to do so- except there is no contract, yet we all do it. Instead, I’m not going to start this with a definition of complacency and instead start with a Contentment description.

And that is no short task. Describing what being content means. Contentment to each of us could mean a variety of things. We could be content with our success; we could be satisfied with our financial gain; we could be pleased with our jobs, our spouses, our lot in life.

Contentment could be a merging of both satisfaction and happiness. Being happy has a direct response on your mind by external from “things” in life. Satisfaction to some degree is; “what is.” Without making the distinction or deep diving into philosophy, we can easily fall victim to ourselves.

So why do we have to know what Contentment is to understand complacency? Because we have to understand what the difference is. We have to understand when looking at our lives are we content, or are we complacent?

Even the more important question- if we are truly “Content,” how do we show gratitude toward what we are content about.

Not that this is a religious article, by no means as such, but the Bible has a pretty good quote about being content.

Philippians 4:11–13

“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.”

Very Buhdda of the bible.

In the Won Buddhist tradition, contentment is not the fulfillment of what we want but the understanding of what and how things are. Practicing contentment means using our conscious choice to see what’s here and accept things as they are with gratitude

This is an explanation from Anam Thubten Rinpoche's article, A Panacea Called Contentment.

Even the great philosopher Aristotle on thought the ultimate aim of human life was to be happy.

So what are some of the sure signs of Contentment?

So grab a pen and maybe a journal before we get started and check off how many of these you feel connected with.

• You’re in a healthy routine. Exercise, sleep, and eating.
• You’re committed to achieving.
• You’re consistent and reliable.
• You don’t have many “needs” or “Wants.”
• You live in the present.
• You believe in yourself.
• You have positive relationships.
• Your head hits the pillow at night, and you aren’t caught up in a million thoughts.
• You have goals. Realistic achievable based on reality- goals.
• Little things make you happy.
• You continue learning.
• You spend time outdoors.
• You have body positive talk.
• Have integrity.
• You stay true to yourself.
• Practices healthy emotional boundaries.

Photo by Emma Matthews Digital Content Production on Unsplash

So now that we know what Contentment looks like…

Let’s talk about Complacency.

Definition of Complacency in Iraq.

Jon Bagnato (me) on the left, Victor Flores on right

Now, this isn’t my image (above). I downloaded it, but this was a sign I saw every day for a little over 9 months when I was in Iraq. Here’s is a picture of Flores and myself (left) standing on a building providing security and overwatch in Iraq in 2008.

So here is how it worked. I must paint this picture, so the effect and the urgency of this discussion to be heard. Is this post about doom and gloom- no- hardly. But it should be sobering. It should be a reality check. And it should make you look at your life and think, “Am I complacent or am I content.”

And then take it a step further, “What areas can I improve in”- and then what does that improvement look like?

We aren’t going to go deep into my war stories, but you need to know that when we left “The wire.” (that is short for the barbed wire surrounding our combat outpost), everything was trying to kill us. One lazy day, being “tired” or simply not being alert to your world. One misstep could cost us our lives- and even worse, the lives of one of the Marines we were brothers with.

So now, you’re probably asking yourself what some Jarheads in the desert talking about scary signs have to do with me?

Everything.

Complacency and the principle (idea)of it have everything to do with you.

Have we ever met someone that has been at their job for so long, no pay increase, little satisfaction, a small margin of hope for advancement- just kind of coasting along all the while griping about their stagnant work life?

Or how about this one- the Spouse who gets disconnected as the years go on and doesn’t get the flowers, doesn’t pay the compliments, and suddenly years later of not noticing their partner, they fall into a rut that ends up in a divorce.

How about college. We did great throughout high school because our parents were there. Now we enter the big wide world of college and don’t have those same crutches we are accustomed to leaning on, and we think we are smart enough to “coast by” and end up failing most of our freshman courses.

I can go on all day, but the bottom line is- If I can find room for growth in every situation- there is equal and opposite room for complacency.

So what are some signs of complacency? Let’s take a look:

• You aren’t challenging yourself.
• Your life is on autopilot.
• You reject the change in thought and life.
• You don’t try anything new.
• You don’t take any risks. Play it too safe.
• You lack ambition.
• You have either lost or completed your “Why” and haven’t replaced it or discovered it.
• You suddenly can predict everything…
• Not investing time into your continued education.
• Disengaged.
• You’re not staying up to date in your field/job.
• You stop looking for opportunities to improve yourself, your job, your family, and your life.
• You’re lazy.
• There is this false sense of security.
• No longer attentive- overlook the details.

Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

So what do we do?

First, we need to start with an inventory. Go back to when I said to grab and pen and a journal. Did you? If you did great, if you didn’t- also great- because then you may have one check under the complacent category already.

Remember- everyone knows something we don’t know.

Even if it is one thing, so reading articles on Medium, always be prepared with pen and paper or an ability to take notes. Tracking, journaling, writing, or documenting- whatever you want to call it is an immeasurable way to create data for ourselves and live in the present moment. There are a lot of things that can take us away from the present moment. Many of them being things outside our control, and many being things within our control. I wrote an article about anxiety, highlighting some specific points to bringing yourself into the “present” and what we can and cannot control.

So we should have two lists. One a checklist of things I wrote in the Contentment list and the other the Complacency list.

What do we notice? As much as these are rhetorical questions only you can answer, the idea is bringing awareness to your life, your situation, and your present. Too many relationships have failed because people felt comfortable and they forget that- what made them feel comfortable in the first place was the enormous love from their partner because they (the partner) fell in love with all the things- they used to do… the Same thing goes for Marines at war. If they get overly confident in their surroundings the minute they let their guard down, that’s when something happens.

This isn’t meant to keep you on edge your whole life. What it’s meant to do, like many of the “Self-help” books, essays, articles out there, is actually to help you. But that’s the thing with help- it’s only as good as far as you use it. If you read this and slip back into your old lazy ways, well, I’m not going to be there to say, “I told you so.” but most likely, your partner, your boss, or yourself looking in the mirror will be.

Sometimes the things we don’t want to look at are exactly the things we need to look at to grow. Sometimes the hardest things to hear or deal with are precisely the things we need to tend to, to grow.

Growth sometimes hurts. And change isn’t easy. But whatever is on the other side of the wire when you leave for the day is the world. It’s great, and it’s big, and it’s out there. And all we can do is play our part in it. Try not to hurt anyone, and most importantly, try not to hurt yourself.

IEDs (Improvised explosive device) don’t send you a warning, and suddenly it’s too late. Complacency doesn’t send you a warning either, so don’t wait till it’s too late to look at your life. Grab a journal and a pen and go.